I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
