Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
