it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
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