if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
