he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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