Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize