It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
