Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger