every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
