She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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