East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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