Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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