I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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