No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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