Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
