PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
time to smoke my breakfast
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
