i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
