he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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