I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
