the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize