This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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