Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
FUCK WHALES
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
