Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
