Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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