I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
