Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
