I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
