this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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