I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
