I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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