I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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