this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
