They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
