just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
