Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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