My brain says no but my pants say off.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
