Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We left an ass print on the piano.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
