Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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