you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
