Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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