Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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