you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
