Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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