she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Even my vagina gasped.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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