Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
