i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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