Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
