It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
