Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
