This is not my ceiling
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
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I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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