He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
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Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
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Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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