I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
