she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
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Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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