Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
