You smell like stripper and shame
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
