My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Shame - the story of my life.
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