we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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