Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
