So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
