i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
