I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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