Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
