Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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