Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My vagina is officially offended.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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