In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
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Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
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When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.