my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
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that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
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You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.