Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....