Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
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I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.