i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
