u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
